A person that is not close to any situation involving the Philadelphia Phillies or their pitching decisions has informed OTR that Pat Burrell will become their number-one starter.

After sending Brett “Milk was a bad choice” Myers to some ‘A’ or ‘AA’ team or whatever, the Phillies were left with the decision on who would replace Myers in the rotation. In steps Pat Burrell, who is already the best-hitting/fielding baseball player on this planet, to fill that void.

PHOTO CAPTION: The game will continue when Pat Burrell says it will continue.

Pat Burrell has a 0.00 ERA, 0.00 WHIP, and has actually never given up a hit during his nine-year career.

When asked if he thought he could handle the pressure of being the pitcher and the left fielder at the same time, he wasn’t quoted saying, “I’m Pat Burrell, they call me ‘Pat the Bat.’ That nickname might quickly change to ‘Pat the Back-Door-Breaking Ball.’ To be quite honest with you, I’m the best.”

Indeed you are Pat, indeed you are.

Furthermore, the Phillies swept a horrible Atlanta Braves team for the second time this season. Pat Burrell had five hits and two homeruns in the series, which was a little off his pace.