Behind 13-year veteran-rookie pitcher Kevin Milwood, the Rangers defeated the Cleveland Indians 9-1 in front of a sellout crowd of almost 50,000 fans.  That’s more fans than the Florida Marlins drew all of last season.

Leading the way for the Rangers was second baseman Ian Kinsler who went 3-for-5 with two doubles and three RBIs.

PHOTO CAPTION:  Hank Blalock’s name has been circulating around the league as the leading candidate for the American League MVP.

If the Rangers can keep this pace, they will finish the season 162-0.  Their magic number to clinch the division is now 161.  Technically, it’s still at 162 because no other team in their division has played a game.

PHOTO CAPTION:  Manu used to wear the number 0 jersey.

This is a huge blow to a Spurs team that may have been able to beat Los Angeles this year, but most likely not.  During the past couple seasons, Kobe Bryant and the Lakers have dominated the four-time champions.

To replace the injured guard, Spurs GM R. C. Buford is looking to resign retired Hall of Famer David Robinson to a 20-game contract.

Earlier this week Iverson whined about coming off the bench and that he’d rather retire than become a team player.  Throughout Iverson’s career it has always been about him.  He’s shown up late for practices, whether it was for the Philadelphia 76ers or the United States Basketball team, or sometimes didn’t even show up at all.  He’s never had any respect for his coaches.  Larry Brown and Maurice Cheeks were the most famous of his victims.  And his selfishness on the court credited him with not being able to make any of his teammates better during his entire basketball career.

The NBA will be a better place if Allen Iverson retires after this year.

The Detroit Pistons knew what they were getting this year when they traded Chauncey Billups to the Denver Nuggets.  They didn’t acquire Allen Iverson.  They acquired his expiring contract.  Allen Iverson’s expiring contract is worth more than Allen Iverson.  When Iverson becomes a free agent this summer, he will quickly find out his services are not wanted anymore in the NBA.  There is not one contending team or playoff team that will sign him.

He is a cancer.  He is a plague.

The Philadelphia 76ers were not successful because of Allen Iverson, they were successful because of Larry Brown.  Larry Brown was able to surround Iverson with a team of unselfish players.  Players that didn’t care if Iverson dribbled the ball for 23 seconds before shooting.  Players that were capable of rebounding and defending and helping Iverson when he wasn’t able to defend.  And players who knew what their role was and played it to perfection.

In the meat of Allen Iverson’s career, he averaged almost 25 shots per game.  Way too many for a guard whose FG% was around 41%.  That is absolutely putrid and embarrassing.  Iverson will go down in the history books as one of the worst-shooting guards in NBA history.  Eric Snow has the same career FG% as Allen Iverson.  And 76er’s fans know how horrible of a shooter Eric Snow was.

I understand there is a huge Iverson following and they have supported him on and off the court.  They love him.  They cherish him.  But these are the people that don’t understand how the game of basketball is supposed to be played.  It’s played as a team and Iverson is not a team player.  He never was and he never will want to be.

When he finally retires, hopefully after this year, the NBA will be a better place.

While the Lakers were getting a beat down by the Atlanta Hawks this past Sunday, Andrew Bynum was partying in Los Angeles with Playmate Nicole Narain atop his shoulders.  Maybe he was looking for another injured-NBA star with a big-boobed hussy to chicken fight?  However, no other NBA star was found.  Why?  Cause Bynum’s the only idiot.

PHOTO CAPTION:  I would let Nicole Narain sit on more than just my shoulders.

In my opinion, it doesn’t matter if Bynum plays or doesn’t play, the Los Angeles Lakers are not winning the NBA championship this year.  This is Lebron’s year.  This is Cleveland’s year.  I will put my money on a team (and yes, they are a team.  It’s not just Lebron *coughs* but mostly Lebron) that is 36-1 at home.

So, Bynum, keep on partying while you can, because you sure won’t be after the NBA Finals.

Thanks to P Peppers for the heads up on this.

Detroit Pistons forward Rasheed Wallace was suspended for one game for committing too many technical fouls.  He picked up his 16th technical foul last night against Cleveland.  Cleveland has won 13 straight games, so I am assuming Detroit lost to Cleveland last night?  The game Sheed will miss already happened, which was tonight, so make sure you take him out of your fantasy lineups.

More importantly, The Monkey Turds have scored 1 point for having Rasheed Wallace on their roster and Bangbros have scored 1 point for having the Detroit Pistons on their roster.

Updated standings:

Calipari will receive an eight-year, $31.65 million deal plus incentives, according to the university, making him the highest-paid coach in college basketball. The school also will pay Memphis a $200,000 buyout.

Calipari once called Dan Garcia, a reporter for The Star-Ledger, a “Mexican Idiot.”  That was 12 years ago.  It’s not relevant anymore, so don’t bring it up.

After being unable to get Cutler to call them back over the last 10 days, Broncos owner Pat Bowlen said today, “We will begin discussions with other teams in an effort to accommodate his request to be traded.”

Here’s my opinion on both sides of this first-grade battle:

Josh McDaniels’ first claim to fame as a head coach is successfully losing his franchise quarterback before mini camps.  He’s an idiot and off to the worst head-coaching start in the history of the NFL.  Please remind me if I’m missing someone.  And don’t give me the “Cutler hasn’t won anything yet” argument.  He is clearly a top-ten quarterback in the NFL and there aren’t many of them out there.  In fact, there are only ten of them.

Jay Cutler needs to grow up.  He hasn’t won anything yet.  See, you can use that argument here, just not in the previous paragraph.  However, Cutler will grow up and he’ll be more successful in the NFL than Josh McDaniels.

One of the rules states:

Bill Romanowski Rule: If a player is fined by the team or league he plays for, that player shall receive points based on the dollar amount of the fine multiplied by .10% up to a maximum of 30 points. This rule also applies to a player getting suspended without pay where the fine equals the loss in salary. This rule does not apply to a player holding out.

Mark Cuban is on the Saluky Turds roster and he has collected 2.5 points.

Also picking up points last week was Sheriff Joe Arpaios Inmates for the arrest of Oakland Raider Cornell Green.  Arpaios Inmates has Oakland on their roster.  1 point was collected.

Updated standings.

On Vick’s agenda next is to star in his own bankruptcy hearing, scheduled for April 2nd.

Vick is also expected to report to training camp on time for the Falcons and compete with second-year quarterback Matt Ryan for the starting position.

Update:  Vick has been released to go to a bankruptcy hearing and will be held in a regional jail.  Then he will report back to Federal prison.  Then home confinement begins on May 20th.

Gilbert has been battling a left-knee injury for the past couple seasons and has undergone three surgeries in an 18-month span to try to correct the problem.  Nothing has been said about fixing his problem with shooting the ball so damn much.

PHOTO CAPTION:  This is Gilbert’s favorite play call.

“The plan was Saturday, and we’re still working towards that end,” interim coach Ed Tapscott said. “As we’ve got it planned out right now, he’s going to play in selective games and no back-to-backs. As we work through the process of making sure that, as he comes back, we do it in a way that is beneficial to his health and our team development.”

The Wizards couldn’t ask for a better time for Arenas to come back.  Gilbert will look to help Washington make their final playoff push.  The Wizards, 16-56, are only 18 games back from the eighth-seeded Chicago Bulls with 10 games left to play.  Good luck!!

The point guard was a major factor in UNC’s second round victory over LSU scoring 23 points with six assists and providing the much-needed energy for the Tar Heels to hold off the hungry Tigers.  Without Lawson manning the point it will be very tough for the Tar Heels to keep on advancing.

Lawson is the second-best point guard remaining in the NCAA tournament behind Syracuse sophomore Jonny Flynn.

This is the kind of person Allen Iverson is:

Bar patron Marlin Godfrey accused Iverson’s bodyguard, Jason Kane, of punching, kicking and hitting him with a bottle because he refused to vacate the VIP section at Washington club Eyebar to make way for the basketball star and his entourage. Godfrey suffered a concussion, a ruptured eardrum, a burst blood vessel in his eye, a torn rotator cuff, cuts and bruises, and emotional injuries.  Iverson just stood there and did nothing, watching Godfrey get the living crap beat out of him.

PHOTO CAPTION:  Dude, you’re 33, grow up.  Do something good for the community.

I understand this happened in 2005, but what we all know by now is Allen Iverson doesn’t change.  He is still the selfish basketball player on the court and the loser thug off the court.  I’m sure after Iverson retires from the NBA (couldn’t come soon enough), that he will either find himself in jail or somehow waste all his money and file for bankruptcy.

The Texan, who is currently racing with the Asana team, was taken by ambulance to the hospital.

Reports are not indicating that Matthew McConaughey took his shirt off so Lance could use it to wrap around his collarbone, but officials at OTR are not ruling this out. 

PHOTO CAPTION:  Lance loves to get kissed by men.

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L. J.  Smith is best known for fumbling in the Super Bowl, missing blocks, not knowing what play is called, running the wrong routes, dropping passes, palming the ball with one hand as he runs, being injured, never living up to the hype, and giving up on plays.  Baltimore should really be excited with their new investment.

PHOTO CAPTION:  L. J. Smith holds on to the ball.

L. J. Smith also visited with the Atlanta Falcons and Detroit Lions.  The Lions may have been 0-16 last year, but they were smart enough not to sign Smith.

In my estimation, L. J. cost the Philadelphia Eagles three wins last year because of his horrible play.

There’s three people in this world that know everything about the NFL.  God, Mookie Blaylock, and Adam Schefter.  And the latter is 99.9% positive that Julius Peppers will NOT be playing for the New England Patriots next season.  Listen to all the reasons why he won’t during this WEEI segment where Dennis & Callahan interview Schefter.

This has also been confirmed by NBC’s Tom Curran from NFL Insider stating, “It’s a virtual certainty that he will not.”

And believe me, Mookie Blaylock is 99.9% positive himself.  So, stop the nonsense talk.  Stop it.

Updated Standings

Updated Standings

Police Maj. Muthanna Khalid says a striker from the Buhairat amateur team was facing only the goalie during a Sunday match in Hillah when a supporter of the rival Sinjar club shot him in the head in the final minute of play.

PHOTO CAPTION:  An Iraqi soccer player plays soccer in full uniform.

Sinjar was leading 1-0 when the shooting occurred. Khalid said a spectator was arrested.

This is nothing to joke about…

…but the Golden State Warriors are exploring this defensive tactic after giving up 154 points in regulation time to the Phoenix Suns last night.

It has been confirmed that the shooter was not football analyst Cris Carter and the player was not current Buffalo Bill Terrell Owens.

• NFL:  Terrell Owens, Bills
• NBA:  Allen Iverson, Pistons
• NHL:  Mike Ribeiro, Stars
• MLB:  Manny Ramirez, Dodgers
• NON:  Zach Greer, Lacrosse
• Team:  Cincinnati Bengals
• Flex:  Paul Pierce, Celtics
• Flex:  Adrian Peterson, Vikings
• Flex:  Steve Nash, Suns
• Flex:  Cedric Benson, Bengals

Check out the other teams here.

Matt Jones was arrested again for alcohol use, violating his probabtion.  Therefore, due to the Stephen Jackson rule and the Cincinnati Bengal rule, both Fantasy Turd League teams scored 1 point with more points possible pending more charges, suspensions, and fines.

Updated standings.

This should come to no surprise because the Eagles are completely stacked at the offensive tackle position.  At one side you have a 350 pound man coming off a knee injury and at the other side you have nobody with All-Pro Winston Justice waiting in the wings.  The only thing more deep than that are Jack Handy thoughts.

Tra protected Donovan McNabb’s blind side for the past 11 years.  So, you can pretty much guarantee that McNabb is super excited about having to build trust all over again in some new kid.

The Philadelphia Eagles continue to have one of the best offseasons in franchise history.

• Buffalo Bills
• Miami Dolphins Two words, “Bill Parcells.”
• New England Patriots
• New York Jets No interest in Owens.

AFC North

• Baltimore Ravens Ravens aren’t interested.  John Harbaugh went through that already.
• Cincinnati Bengals
• Cleveland Browns Nope.
• Pittsburgh Steelers

AFC South

• Houston Texans No interest.
• Indianapolis Colts
• Jacksonville Jaguars Nope.
• Tennessee Titans Not coming to this team.

AFC West

• Denver Broncos
• Kansas City Chiefs
• Oakland Raiders
• San Diego Chargers Doesn’t look like it.

NFC East

• Dallas Cowboys They wouldn’t cut him, if they wanted him.
• New York Giants New York has “Zero interest.”
• Philadelphia Eagles Hell no, not a chance in the world.
• Washington Redskins Washington has said, “No thanks.”

NFC North

• Chicago Bears
• Detroit Lions
• Green Bay Packers
• Minnesota Vikings Nope.  Brad Childress…been there, done that.

NFC South

• Atlanta Falcons It has been confirmed they have no interest.
• Carolina Panthers
• New Orleans Saints Sean Payton put a stop to that business.
• Tampa Bay Buccaneers

NFC West

• St Louis Rams Nope, not interested.
• Arizona Cardinals
• Seattle Seahawks
• San Francisco 49ers T.O. is not in Singletary’s plans.

At this point of his career, Terrell’s childish behavior on and off the field completely overshadows his enormous talents.  There aren’t too many wide receivers in the NFL that will get cut after catching 69 balls for 1052 yards and 10 touchdowns, but Terrell will always find a way.

There will definitely be another NFL team that will take the chance at signing the six-time Pro Bowler, but it won’t come without the warning ‘buyers beware.’

PHOTO CAPTION:  I will destroy my fourth locker room within the next two years.

Actually, don’t be surprised if the New England Patriots or New York Giants Oakland Raiders take a chance on T. O.

“From beginning to end as a Raven. … Wow!  To be with the same team with the same fans for an entire career, that doesn’t happen in the NFL,” the pro bowl linebacker said.  “I don’t think an athlete can have a greater legacy than to be able to stay in one place for an entire career.”

I bet Philadelphia Eagles fans would have loved to have heard those words coming out of Brian Dawkins mouth.  Too bad Joe Banner and the rest of the jerks in the Philly front office get off on slapping Philadelphia Eagles fans in the face while taking their money.

Lewis earned his 10th Pro Bowl this season after leading the NFL’s second-ranked defense with 160 tackles. He also had 3 1/2 sacks, three interceptions and two fumble recoveries.

Lewis has career totals of 1,636 total tackles, 1255 solo, 12 forced fumbles, 98 passes defended, 88 tackles for loss, 33.5 sacks, 15 fumble recoveries, 28 interceptions, one safety, two touchdowns in 178 games, and a partridge in a pear tree.