“Mr. Williams was at the front door area causing some sort of altercation,” police spokesman Victor Senties said. “A witness alerted one of the officers to it. The officer went over and asked Mr. Williams several times to leave. He refused. At one point, the officer attempted to escort him out of club. Mr. Williams pushed the officer and almost knocked him down. At that point, the other officer came over to try and assist. Again, Mr. Williams was very combative. One (officer) had to deploy a (taser) to get into custody.”

This should result in some turd points!

Detroit Pistons forward Rasheed Wallace was suspended for one game for committing too many technical fouls.  He picked up his 16th technical foul last night against Cleveland.  Cleveland has won 13 straight games, so I am assuming Detroit lost to Cleveland last night?  The game Sheed will miss already happened, which was tonight, so make sure you take him out of your fantasy lineups.

More importantly, The Monkey Turds have scored 1 point for having Rasheed Wallace on their roster and Bangbros have scored 1 point for having the Detroit Pistons on their roster.

Updated standings:

One of the rules states:

Bill Romanowski Rule: If a player is fined by the team or league he plays for, that player shall receive points based on the dollar amount of the fine multiplied by .10% up to a maximum of 30 points. This rule also applies to a player getting suspended without pay where the fine equals the loss in salary. This rule does not apply to a player holding out.

Mark Cuban is on the Saluky Turds roster and he has collected 2.5 points.

Also picking up points last week was Sheriff Joe Arpaios Inmates for the arrest of Oakland Raider Cornell Green.  Arpaios Inmates has Oakland on their roster.  1 point was collected.

Updated standings.

Updated Standings

Updated Standings

• NFL:  Terrell Owens, Bills
• NBA:  Allen Iverson, Pistons
• NHL:  Mike Ribeiro, Stars
• MLB:  Manny Ramirez, Dodgers
• NON:  Zach Greer, Lacrosse
• Team:  Cincinnati Bengals
• Flex:  Paul Pierce, Celtics
• Flex:  Adrian Peterson, Vikings
• Flex:  Steve Nash, Suns
• Flex:  Cedric Benson, Bengals

Check out the other teams here.

Matt Jones was arrested again for alcohol use, violating his probabtion.  Therefore, due to the Stephen Jackson rule and the Cincinnati Bengal rule, both Fantasy Turd League teams scored 1 point with more points possible pending more charges, suspensions, and fines.

Updated standings.

Vice president of player personnel Rex Chapman didn’t elaborate on what Anthony did and reporters sitting courtside didn’t see anything, but Chapman had this to say, “There is a code of conduct that we take very seriously, especially from a leader and co-captain.  Carmelo knows this and regrets what happened. He is a very competitive person and made a poor decision in the heat of the moment. We look forward to having him back on Thursday and will have no further comment at this time.”

Speculation is that he refused to come out of the game in the third quarter.

Anyway, Gangstas For Life scored 1 point for Melo’s suspension for having Melo on their roster.

Ron Artest Rule: A player shall receive 1 point for every game he is suspended up to a maximum of 16 points per suspension. If the player is suspended during the playoffs or the suspension carries over into the playoffs, the same rules apply and 2 bonus points are awarded.

Updated standings

Therefore, the Monkey Turds have scored 2.5 points, because Rasheed Wallace is on their roster, based on this rule:

Bill Romanowski Rule: If a player is fined by the team or league he plays for, that player shall receive points based on the dollar amount of the fine multiplied by .10% up to a maximum of 30 points. This rule also applies to a player getting suspended without pay where the fine equals the loss in salary. This rule does not apply to a player holding out.

And, Bangbros have scored 1 point for having the Detroit Pistons on their roster:

Cincinnati Bengals Rule: Each team is allowed to draft one sports team from four of the major sports (hockey, basketball, football, and baseball). If a player or coach from that team is (or would be) awarded points from any Fantasy Turd League rule, that team will be awarded 1 point for that rule.

Here are the updated standings.

Let’s review two rules:

Marshawn Lynch Rule: A player shall receive 1 point for every traffic violation. If that traffic violation includes speeding over 100 mph, they shall receive 2 bonus points. If that traffic violation includes charges related to drag racing, they shall receive 2 bonus points.

Cincinnati Bengals Rule: Each team is allowed to draft one sports team from four of the major sports (hockey, basketball, football, and baseball). If a player or coach from that team is (or would be) awarded points from any Fantasy Turd League rule, that team will be awarded 1 point for that rule.

Therefore, Monkey Turds and Touchdown Turdy Vardell have scored one point each.  And here are the updated standings.

He puts the “sense” in Sensabaugh. Funny, right?

But joketime aside, it wouldn’t be such a big deal if it wasn’t the third time in three years that he’s been arrested. Last year, he was locked up for reckless driving after he was found doing wheelies on a motorcycle. Because apparently, no athlete has ever ruined his career dicking around on a motorbike.

Three years ago he was arrested for speeding and carrying a firearm without a permit. People, these are not difficult laws to follow. Jesus.

The best part is that this time, he was caught with three guns in the car. But OTR, what kind of guns. We’ll tell you. He had a Bersa 380, an International Arms AK-47 and a Glock 22. An AK-47. What in the crap does an NFL player need an AK-47 for? And why would you be driving around with it?

Amazingly, he is facing no weapons charges because he had permits.

Sensabaugh is coming off of his best season in the NFL. We’d hate to see what he does in the offseason if he actually made the Pro Bowl.

We’re working hard in the OTR newsroom to collect relevant sports information that you may or may not care about. Or flat-out don’t care about, but still think it’s funny to hear rude/obnoxious commentary on the world of sports. Trust us, we are a reputable news gathering organization as far as you know. Just check out the awards we’ve won.

Photo Caption: “Jim, stop being a dick. You know what time it is in Moscow. That joke stopped being funny a long time ago.”

So, try us out for 3-5 years just to see what we’re about. We think you’ll agree that OTR is one of the best half-assed, at-times-credible sports sites anywhere on the entire internet (east coast only, and only down to Virginia).

Bookmark us today and never feel out of the sportsworld loop for the rest of your life!

This rule has been added to the Fantasy Turd League Point System.

One of the rules states:

Bill Romanowski Rule: If a player is fined by the team or league he plays for, that player shall receive points based on the dollar amount of the fine multiplied by .10% up to a maximum of 30 points. This rule also applies to a player getting suspended without pay where the fine equals the loss in salary. This rule does not apply to a player holding out.

Mark Cuban is on the Saluky Turds roster and he has collected 2.5 points.

Updated standings.

Adding/Amending an Article Rule/Point System Rule: If any team owner would like to add an article rule or point system rule, they must present it to the designated league president for approval. However, the approval or disapproval can be overruled by a majority vote of the team owners.

Therefore, I present to the team owners the Anthony Spencer Rule:  If a player is arrested for public intoxication or disorderly conduct, that player shall receive 2 points.  If that player tried giving the bar money to stay open later, that player shall receive 5 bonus points.

This rule is pending for seven days on team owner votes.  Majority votes rule.  Team owners, please place your vote in comments.

The Chris Henry Rule clearly states:  If a player is kicked off his team for being too much of a turd, that player shall receive 20 points.

Therefore, the Monkey Turds for having Pacman Jones on the roster have scored 20 points.  Since Pacman Jones is not on a professional sports team roster anymore, the Monkey Turds can select another player to fill that spot.

Here are the updated standings.

Update:  Team Monkey Turds has replaced Pacman Jones with Tank Johnson.  It has been reported that Jerry Jones can’t be more proud.

Jarkko Ruutu Rule:  If a player decides to bite an opponent, and is suspended for that action, that player shall receive 5 points.  If that player is successful in biting off what they were trying to bite, they shall receive 2 bonus points.  If that player bites someone on his own team and is suspended for that action, that player shall receive 25 bonus points.

It has been added to the Fantasy Turd League Point System.

Guess who has Dizon on his fantasy turd team?! Me! Perry, how many points do I get if he gets arrested?!

Adding/Amending an Article Rule/Point System Rule: If any team owner would like to add an article rule or point system rule, they must present it to the designated league president for approval. However, the approval or disapproval can be overruled by a majority vote of the team owners.

Therefore, I present to the team owners the Jarkko Ruutu Rule:  If a player decides to bite an opponent, and is suspended for that action, that player shall receive 5 points.  If that player is successful in biting off what they were trying to bite, they shall receive 2 bonus points.  If that player bites someone on his own team and is suspended for that action, that player shall receive 25 bonus points.

This rule is pending for seven days on team owner votes.  Majority votes rule.  Team owners, please place your vote in comments.

Review the team rosters here.

Let’s review The Rules that Jarko Ruutu scored on:

• Ron Artest Rule: A player shall receive 1 point for every game he is suspended up to a maximum of 16 points per suspension. If the player is suspended during the playoffs or the suspension carries over into the playoffs, the same rules apply and 2 bonus points are awarded. Jarko Ruutu scored 2 points.
• Bill Romanowski Rule: If a player is fined by the team or league he plays for, that player shall receive points based on the dollar amount of the fine multiplied by .10% up to a maximum of 30 points. This rule also applies to a player getting suspended without pay where the fine equals the loss in salary. This rule does not apply to a player holding out.  Jarko Ruutu scored 3.7 points.

Total points scored = 5.7

Check out the current Fantasy Turd League standings right here.

Saluky Turds:

• NFL:  Philip Rivers, Chargers
• NBA: Ron Artest, Rockets
• NHL:  Jarkko Ruutu, Senators
• MLB:  Manny Ramirez, Dodgers
• Team:  Cincinnati Bengals
• Non:  Mark Cuban, owner
• Flex:  Terrell Owens, Bills
• Flex:  D. J. Strawberry, Suns
• Flex:  Jared Allen, Vikings
• Flex:  Ray Lewis, Ravens

Monkey Turds:

• NFL:  Tank Johnson, Cowboys
• NBA:  Allen Iverson, Pistons
• NHL:  Donald Brashear, Capitals
• MLB:  Manny Ramirez, Dodgers
• Team:  Jacksonville Jaguars
• Non:  John Daly, PGA
• Flex:  Terrell Owens, Bills
• Flex:  Rasheed Wallace, Pistons
• Flex:  Darren McCarty, Red Wings
• Flex:  Milton Bradley, Rangers

Bangbros:

• NFL:  Terrell Owens, Bills
• NBA:  Ron Artest, Rockets
• NHL:  Josh Bailey, Islanders
• MLB:  Matt Chico, Nationals
• Team:  Detroit Pistons
• Non:  Maradona, Argentina soccer coach
• Flex:  Allen Iverson, Pistons
• Flex:  Josh Howard, Mavericks
• Flex:  Jeremy Shockey, Saints
• Flex:  Stephon Marbury, Celtics

Gangsta’s For Life:

• NFL:  Chris Henry, Bengals
• NBA:  Josh Smith, Hawks
• NHL:  Erik Staal, Hurricanes
• MLB:  Delmon Young, Twins
• Team:  Cincinnati Benglas
• Non:  John Daly, PGA
• Flex:  Carmelo Anthony, Nuggets
• Flex:  J. R. Smith, Nuggets
• Flex:  Steven Jackson, Rams
• Flex:  Kenyon Martin, Nuggets

Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s Inmates:

• NFL:  Lendale White, Titans
• NBA:  Rafer Alston, Magic
• NHL:  Ryan O’Byrne, Canadians
• MLB:  Scott Olsen, Nationals
• Team:  Oakland Raiders
• Non:  Tony Stewart, NASCAR
• Flex:  Nate Robinson, Knicks
• Flex:  Stephen Jackson, Warriors
• Flex:  Mario Manningham, Giants
• Flex:  Cedric Benson, Bengals

Touchdown Turdy Vardell:

• NFL: Bryant McKinnie, Vikings
• NBA:  Ricky Davis, Clippers
• NHL:  Erik Johnson, Blues
• MLB:  Jose Guillen, Royals
• Team:  Jacksonville Jaguars
• Non:  Mike Tyson, former boxer
• Flex:  Ahmad Brooks, 49ers
• Flex:  O’Dell Thurman, Bengals
• Flex:  Jordan Dizon, Lions
• Flex:  Cedric Benson, Bengals

Colon Blowers (3-11-209)

• NFL:  Terrell Owens, Bills
• NBA:  Allen Iverson, Pistons
• NHL:  Mike Ribeiro, Stars
• MLB:  Manny Ramirez, Dodgers
• NON:  Zach Greer, Lacrosse
• Team:  Cincinnati Bengals
• Flex:  Paul Pierce, Celtics
• Flex:  Adrian Peterson, Vikings
• Flex:  Steve Nash, Suns
• Flex:  Cedric Benson, Bengals

The season will end on 11:59 PM December 31st, 2009.  If at any point you want to register a team, please send your turd squad to mperry_77@hotmail.com.  You can read the official rules and point system right here.  Good luck to all.  If at any point one of your turds commits turdery and OTR has not mentioned anything, please notify us via email or obnoxious comment.

But the fact remains that he did get arrested early this morning at a San Antonio hotel for public intoxication. Apparently, he and a friend caused a scene at the Crown Plaza Riverwalk and the police didn’t find it funny or productive or both.

He paid his $85 misdemeanor fine and was released.

Photo Caption: Andre Rison causes a scene in the Super Bowl.