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We’d rather just shut it down than to run a boring, poorly updated blog, which is what OTR is starting to become.

We can’t thank all of our readers enough. You guys have all been great and we had a ton of fun playing with everyone. Maybe we’ll do it again some day. We could have just let the blog die slowly and not update it, but that’s not fair to anyone. We thought we would give OTR a proper burial by at least letting everyone know that we are calling it quits.

Memorial services will be held Sunday, December 21st at 2 PM at the Lodi, NJ YMCA.

You can send thoughts and regards to MPerry_77@hotmail.com and MicahW@feverpitchmedia.com.

Happy Holidays to all of those in OTR land!!

Paul Pierce: First off, I want to thank everyone for being able to make it tonight. This might seem very odd that I requested we all get together, but I thought it would give us time to reflect on how important this series is to the NBA past and the NBA future. People write about how the NBA is going downhill, and how the players aren’t as good as they used to be, and how we lack the fundamentals that made this sport so popular back in the day.

Eddie House: Are you saying that isn’t true? I mean, Doc only puts me in there to shoot the ball. I don’t even know how to do anything else. And I don’t even shoot the ball that good to be perfectly honest. I’m a career 40% shooter. But when I make a big play I want everyone watching to know it was me, so I scream and pound my chest.

Paul Peirce: Eddie, this is what I mean. We need to focus on the game. We have a lot of talent in this room and we have a perfect opportunity to prove these people wrong. We can play this game just as well as Bird, Magic, McHale, Worthy, Walton…

Luke Walton (interrupts): Thanks Paul.

Paul Pierce: No, I meant your dad, Luke. Your dad knew the game. He knew how to play his position. He knew how to play his role. Let’s show everyone we can do that. And by the way, we have pizza over there compliments of Kobe, so thank Kobe when you get a chance.

Glen Davis: Oh yeah!! Thanks Kobe, how many slices does everyone get?

Paul Pierce: Settle down, Glen, we have a game tomorrow. Don’t stuff your face. You’re fat as it is.

Jordan Farmar: Kobe’s a great teammate. He hangs out with us and buys us dinner. He even surprised us during Game 7 of the Spurs/Hornets series with a Jaeger-LeCoultre Master Compressor Chronograph timepiece, personalized with an engraving of our names and the year.

**Kevin Garnett is in the corner punching his face, grunting, and talking to himself**

Ronny Turiaf: Hey Paul, is Kevin alright over there?

Paul Pierce: Yeah, just ignore him. He’s getting himself pumped up for the game. We haven’t been able to communicate with him for a solid month, now. Half the time I don’t even know who he is talking to. Today at the shoot-around he made a fifteen-footer and started walking down the court yelling obscenities at Tom Thibodeau. Then he proceeded up the aisle between Loge 13 and Loge 14 pounding his chest. He disappeared into the concourse for about two minutes until we heard him over the loud speaker screaming “Nobody can stop me” in Chinese. It’s something we have grown accustomed to.

Ronny Turiaf: Did Yao teach him how to say that?

Paul Pierce: I think so. I think it was that game in March of ‘06 when Yao dumped thirty on’em. KG’s a quick learner. He didn’t even need college. He’s crazy.

James Posey: Yeah, I just hug him a lot. And not the quick handshake hug. I grab him and hold him for about ten seconds and whisper things in his ear. I even do this right before the game starts. Right before KG steps on the court for the opening tip. That’s my role on this team. I actually hug everyone before they go into the games. I just like to hug KG for an extra nine seconds.

Lamar Odom: Yeah, I noticed that, that’s kinda creepy. By the way, I know we said we wouldn’t talk strategy, but which one of you is going to guard me? I’m a serious match-up problem.

Paul Pierce: It actually might be me, but let’s get our focus back. Derek, in your opinion, who are the players in here tonight that you think play a fundamentally sound game?

Derek Fisher: Well, Kobe of course. I’d say myself. On your team, you, KG, and Ray Ray.

Pau Gasol: You forget me Derek?

Derek Fisher: Don’t get me wrong Pau, I think you are a great player, but you gotta play tougher. I think you might be in for a rude awakening when KG is posting you up. I don’t want you to get soft on the defensive side of the ball. Defense is a huge part of this game.

Lamar Odom: And me?

Derek Fisher: Well, Lamar, sometimes you completely disappear during games. Sometimes I forget that you are even on the court. You are an amazing player when you want to be, but you need to want that all the time. Like you said, you are a huge mismatch in this series. You could be the X-factor if you want to be.

Paul Pierce: This is why I called this meeting. I want us to get upset. I want you guys to not just prove to them out there that we can play this game, but let’s prove to ourselves that we can make this an amazing NBA Finals. We have that chance, despite our coach not understanding our personnel and when to play who with who.

Luke Walton: Yeah, I’m glad we have Phil coaching us. You guys have a severe disadvantage with Doc Rivers as your coach.

Coby Karl: My dad coaches for Denver.

Luke Walton: I don’t think that is anything to be proud of, Coby. My dad knows the game better than your dad knows the game.

Paul Pierce: Stop it you two…

**Glen Davis heads back to get more pizza**

Ray Allen: Yo Big Fatty, save some for us.

Glen Davis: This pepperoni is sooooooo good. The grease just melts in my mouth.

Rajon Rondo: When are we going to discuss the fact that I ruin the flow of our offense by not taking the open shot? I don’t think I have the confidence to hit the open jumper. That’s why I always pass the ball with two to three seconds left on the shot clock. Luckily, KG has bailed me out during these playoffs. I mean, if anyone other than Sam Cassell was coming off the bench to replace me I might not be getting the playing time that I’ve been getting.

Paul Pierce: Just shoot the ball. You need to hit that jumper. Kobe, correct me if I’m wrong, but you guys are gonna give that shot to Rondo all day, correct?

Kobe Bryant: All day baby, but let me get this straight, you said you might be guarding Lamar? Then who is guarding me?

Paul Pierce: It actually might be me. We don’t know yet. Lamar is creating problems for us. Maybe Ray will guard you, I don’t know.

Ray Allen: I don’t want to guard Kobe. I don’t even know if I found my shot again or not. I’ve been concentrating soley on that. And if I’m guarding Kobe, I’m spending all of my energy on stopping him, so my offense will most likely be non existent.

Kobe Bryant: Yeah, Ray Ray can’t guard me, so it has to be you Paul.

Lamar Odom: So, is KG gonna guard me then? Or is Ray?

Paul Pierce: We don’t know. We probably won’t know the best match-up until Game 4. We said we wouldn’t talk about this. GLEN, GET AWAY FROM THE PIZZA. YOU’VE HAD ENOUGH!

Brian Scalabrine: If I may interject here…

Everyone (Interrupts): “Shut up Brian!”

Brian Scalabrine: Fair enough, I’ll just sit right back here in the corner like I have been.

Sasha Vujacic: I honestly think I am going to be a big player in this series. Actually, our whole bench is going to dominate. I feel Jordan is going to cause major problems for Sammy if Doc keeps on putting him in for some stupid reason. And I really don’t think Posey can handle Luke at all. How old are you PJ? Look for us to spread the lead during the beginning of the second and fourth quarters with our 3-point shooting.

PJ Brown: Thanks for that Sasha. I didn’t realize you could speak that well. And I’m 38 by the way. Our bench has veteran leadership. It doesn’t matter that we suck and we are too old to play this game. What matters is experience. Sammy couldn’t even guard Eric Snow right now, but he has two rings. And that is why Danny brought him here.

Chris Mihm: I just want to introduce myself to everyone. I’m Chris. I play for the Lakers.

Everyone: “Hey Chris.”

Paul Pierce: I think we got away from what I wanted to accomplish tonight, but I guess I can expect that due to the situation and all. All I’m saying is that we all should focus on making this a great Finals. The talent is obviously here in the room to make this a great series. Everyone that ever put a Laker or Celtic uniform on will be watching us and I don’t think we want any of them thinking to themselves, “What happened to the talent in this league…”

Kendrick Perkins (interrupts): Do you think they will make an exception for me? I try to blend in with you guys by talking smack and having a cocky look on my face after every good play we make. When I walk off the court with my chin up I want the world to know I’m the starting center for the Boston Celtics. But at the end of the day, I’m still the guy who runs like he took a huge dump in his pants.

Paul Pierce: Yes, there might be worse starting centers in this league, Kendrick (leans over to Kobe and says under his breath, “but not many”), but you’re our starting center and we need you. So guys, let’s make this the best NBA Finals. Let’s treat the NBA fans to something special. Let’s show everyone that the NBA isn’t dying. This has a Game 7 written all over it.

Kobe Bryant: I don’t mean to be a party pooper, but I’m ending this thing in five.

Perry: This is actually what I imagined happened today. However, I feel the same as Kobe, Lakers in five.

Let’s begin.

I just got finished watching Game Seven between the Spurs and the Hornets and I loved the outcome. The defending champs went on the road and dominated Chris Paul and the home team. And this is exactly why they are the defending champs. Honestly, New Orleans was not ready for this. Chris Paul was not ready for this. Experience in this situation is second to none.

Before the tip I received this email from loyal reader Dan Rust, “I’m starting this out with an assumption. The assumption is that New Orleans is going to fall to San Antonio tonight. If I’m wrong then simply place this e-mail in the trash; However, I just don’t see the Spurs going out like that. So….”

I didn’t see the Spurs going out like that either. I would have considered this a major upset if the Hornets won tonight. The Spurs are that good. However, Dan has a “So…” at the end of his sentence. ‘So,’ let’s continue with his email…

“I hate the Lakers, but I feel that they might move on to the finals. You predicted Spurs vs. Pistons for the final. I conferred with my magic 8-ball and it has forecasted Lakers vs. Pistons (actually i just asked it if it would be Lakers and Pistons gave it a shake and it said “It is certain”)…. Do you really think the Spurs can beat the Lakers? I never like to count out Big Fundamental (Timmy Duncan), but Kobe and the Lakers are pretty strong, have home court advantage, and are a younger faster team.”

I did predict the Spurs vs. Pistons for the finals this year (I actually nailed the top four teams), with the Spurs winning it all, again. However, I didn’t see the Lakers being this good. On February 1st, the Los Angeles Lakers traded Kwame Brown, rookie Javaris Crittenton, Aaron Mckie, the rights to Marc Gasol, and two future first round picks (2008, 2010) to Memphis for center Pau Gasol. In other words, an absolute steal for the Lakers. They instantly became a legitimate contender.

And now a legitimate contender is facing off against the defending champs. There is not a better match up that could have happened in the Western Conference. We are given two stories. The story of a dynasty. And the story of Kobe. Isn’t this exactly what we wanted? The perfect story of Kobe taking down the champions on the way to his first ring without Shaq? Or the dynasty maintaining their reign as champions of the NBA by not bowing down to anyone? Wait…am I discounting the Eastern Conference? I’ll address this later.

Dan asked the question, “Do you really think the Spurs can beat the Lakers?” Do I? Yes. Will they? No. I believe we are watching the Kobe Bryant that everyone wanted to see from the very beginning. He is surrounded with teammates that make his game that much more potent (something Lebron does not have in Cleveland). The Lakers play outstanding defense. They score so many easy baskets, including beautiful cuts in the lane with three to four Pau Gasol dunks per game. They hit the open shots. They have a deep bench. And most importantly, Kobe Bryant is playing the best basketball of his career, and that is dangerous for any opposing team.

I love the Big Fundamental, but he did not look at his best during the second half of tonight’s game. He played a huge part in the victory, but he was beatable tonight. And if Kobe smells the blood during this upcoming series, there is no doubt in my mind that he will go for the kill. I really do believe the Los Angeles Lakers will represent the Western Conference in the NBA Finals.

However, am I discounting the Eastern Conference? Boston is not playing very good basketball right now. Kevin Garnett is playing well, but there is no other consistent player on their team. They just played two straight series that went seven games. They aren’t playing well on the road. Ray Allen is playing like Allan Ray. They have zero bench. And we have to remember, their coach is Doc Rivers. On the flip side (no pun intended), Detroit has been here before, six straight times to be exact. They seem to be peeking at the perfect time. They are well-rested, which is huge for Chauncey’s hamstring. Tayshaun has played brilliant basketball. Rip has played brilliant basketball. They have Sheed. They have a bench. And I’m a huge Pistons fan.

How good are the Pistons? They are good enough. They have all the pieces a championship basketball team needs. Now all those pieces need to do is stop Boston (which they will do in six games) and stop Kobe. However, I don’t think they can stop Kobe like they did in 2004. This isn’t the same Kobe. And this is a completely different Laker team.

I’m pretty sure there are a lot of other people out there that feel like Dan when he says, “I hate the Lakers.” But enjoy what is happening. Players like Kobe don’t come around too often. Enjoy Kobe like you did Michael. He is an amazing talent that understands all aspects of the game. Is he Michael? No, definitely not. But he is Kobe and he’s fun to watch. If Kobe and the Lakers can win it all this year, Kobe will jump past Tim Duncan as the best player in the league. If you want to be the best, you have to beat the best. And Kobe will be the best. Lakers over Detroit in seven games.

Game Seven yesterday was a great game. Finally! That was what I was hoping for all series long. Where was that the first six games? Great battle with Lebron vs Pierce. One for the ages?

Aminu Timberlake, Kentucky: Love the blog, Perry. Tell Micah I said hi. How come nobody remembers me? If Christian Laettner doesn’t hit that shot at the Spectrum in Philadelphia, do you think people would view him differently? In that same game, he blatantly stomped on my chest with his foot. In this day of age he gets tossed from the game and nobody is talking about Duke winning the 1992 National Championship.

Wow, is that still bothering you? The readers probably don’t know what we are talking about, but maybe we should remind them with this youtube clip. The best part of this clip is Laettner saying, “And you know the next time I look up, he’s standing right underneath me.” Emmitt Smith couldn’t have said that any better. Christian, you looked up to see someone standing underneath you? Do you realize you actually looked down to see someone lying underneath you? How’s that Duke education treating you? Anyway, Aminu, keep in touch buddy.

Justin Timberlake, Tennessee: Perry, did you get that #25 Kentucky jersey? I autographed it for ya and sent it DHL about a week ago.

Yeah man, I appreciate it. Do me favor and don’t tell Aminu that I had you autograph his jersey. You know how he gets, kinda sensitive. He’s still hung up on that Laettner thing. Oh, and tell Jessica Biel I said hi. She left her bathing suit over here the last time you guys visited. I tried it on and it doesn’t fit me. I actually tried it on a couple times. Five times to be exact. I don’t know why I’m telling you this. Thanks again.

barry, Philadelphia: Your such loser. Frauds post and the jimmey rollens story keeping it real good. Way to blowed up a rumor thats false. Look at your site, no coments. None coments you loser fraud. I bet paid you friends to coment page on this articles. Oh, sorry I misspedled a word. I’m not some fancy righter like you are, you are, your fraud. Nobody is reading your lame site. No coments = no readers.

barry, I really don’t know what to do? I don’t understand one thing you are trying to say or type or what? And I think I’m over the limit on Emmitt Smith jokes.

RJ Umberger, Philadelphia: Perry, how awesome am I?

Probably the best. Right now I think we could get away with tearing down Rocky’s statue and replacing it with one of your own. I know Brian Campbell knocked you silly in the 2006 playoffs, but make sure you, Danny, and Marty get him to come here next year.

Pat Burrell, Philadelphia: Perry, how awesome am I?

Probably the best. Right now I think we could get away with tearing down Rocky’s statue and replacing it with one of your own. Keep that between you and I.

Blue Collar Comedy Tour, Redneckville: Perry, how awesome are we?

You guys suck. I’ve never laughed once. Not once.

Josh Howard, Cloud Nine: Dude, you won’t believe what I did today. It was so funny. So, I got up and got high. I have nothing to do right now. I don’t even have a coach, but, okay…I got up and got high and filled up a huge bowl, a huge bowl of Apple Jacks. It was huge, so big, so good. There was still a little milk left in the bowl, the big bowl that I’m using, so this time I put Pops in it. I love Pops. The corn things. So then I played Grand Theft Auto for like, for like, for like…oh man it’s so funny, so for like…what? Oh yeah, so I played Grand Theft Auto for like six bowls….bowls?….I meant hours. Oooowwww Eeeerrz. Man, I need some chocolate. Oh, I think I have beanut putter in the fridge. Did I say beanut putter? I should make a sammich. I love sammiches. Dude, Dave Chappelle is sooooo funny. Wait, what was I gonna do? I should put on a movie. Wu Tang bitch. Dude, I’m hungry. Who’s ordering food? What the hell is going on? Man, I’m freak’n high. I played Grand Theft Auto for….like…..for…..like…..for…..like….for….for…for. Fourteen. Fourteen hours straight. Who’s making me a sammich? Damn this weed is good. Dirk’s a funny name. Dirk No Weeds ski. Weeds ski. Yeah, pack it up Bubba Chuck. Who’s packing it up?

Josh, remember when you said, “If you can do it and it’s not affecting your everyday life, why stop? If I’m able to do it, but not while I play basketball, it lets you know I can quit whenever.” Here’s some advice, QUIT! Marijuana makes you lazy. You played lazy in the playoffs. Coincidence?

Jason Taylor, Miami: Did you get my other emails? I can’t believe Bill Parcells ignored me a couple weeks ago. Why do you think he ignored me? The Dancing with the Stars thing? I’ve given this organization a lot. I’ve been a Dolphin since 1997. Miami’s the only NFL organization I’ve played for. And he just pretends I don’t exist. Six-time Pro Bowl selection, NFL Defensive Player of the Year in ‘06, and Walter Payton Man of the Year Award in ‘07. I think I’ve represented this organization the best I could. Perry, help me out here. Why do you think he is acting this way?

Chris Henry, Cincinnati: I f*cked up again.

You sure did

Suzyn Waldman, New York: I tried sending this a couple times, but your inbawx was full. Your inbawx was full. Oh my gawd, they were coming right bawk to my email bawx, because your inbawx was completely full. They were coming right bawk. Oh my gawd.

Oh my goodness gracious!!!!!

Dan, OTR comments: I went outside and played some basketball today. You could write about that! I scored 8 points, which was better than what LeBron James did last night!

Were you playing that each basket was worth one point, or two? What were you playing to? Either way, good stuff. By the way, Jason Taylor keeps emailing me. I don’t think fancy feet gets it, so if he calls you looking for me, just tell him I’m away or something.

mark, Philadelphia: Im not barry. I dont even know a barry…..or a mark. your blog suks frauds. no coments = no readers.

We couldn’t have done it without you, buddy!

Thanks again for all your responses. I’ll try to post this segment at least every other (other, other?) week, so keep the emails flowing. If you want your question, suggestion, or comment posted, shoot me a line at mperry_77@hotmail.com.

Coach K, Durham, NC: What did I ever do to you? What have I ever done to deserve all this criticism and ridiculing? I’ve collected three NCAA National Championships, 10 ACC Championships, 803 career wins with a winning percentage of .750, and in 2001 I was inducted into the Naismith Basketball Hall Of Fame. I don’t think somebody with that kind of resume deserves all these nasty words. Perry, I ask again, what has Duke or myself ever done to you?

Because of Billy King, Mr. Krysheskiezshiezky or however you spell it. I’ve been a suffering Sixers fan since Larry Brown left in 2003. You know why? You screwed with Billy King’s basketball head when he played for you in the late ’80s and Duke University didn’t provide him with a good enough education to be an effective general manager in the NBA. I blame all my sufferings on you and Duke. Can you help explain all those ridiculous contracts he gave out? Can you explain the trade for Chris Webber? Howa bout keeping Allen Iverson a 76er for five years too many? Finally, Ed Stefanski has righted the ship for my team, but I was lied to about you understanding basketball and Duke University being able to educate their students. Billy King is proof that you and Duke are frauds. That, Coach K, is why I don’t like you or the school you represent.

Kerry Collins, Tennessee: Settle down, Perry. Don’t let Coach K get you all fired up like that. Just relax. Do you know what I do when I’m all stressed out? I get drunk. Heck, when I played for the Panthers I used to get hammered at halftime. We would be getting killed and I’d be all upset, but a couple tugs from the bottle got me straight again. Booze is always the answer my friend.

Thanks, Kerry. You’ve come a long way since your Maxwell award in 1994. You represent Penn State well.

Roscoe Parrish, Buffalo: Kerry’s right, but make sure you aren’t driving a car while you’re all boozed up in Miami Beach at 4:30 in the morning. The cops always seem to find ya.

I’ll keep that in mind, Roscoe. Hey, did you know you were the first player in the NFL to score a rushing touchdown, a receiving touchdown, and a punt return touchdown last year? Drink to that my friend.

Ricky Williams, Miami: Can I smoke to that?

The pipe has caused you too many problems, Ricky. Can’t you put your focus back on football? You used to be one heck of a player. If you need to wear your helmet everywhere you go to escape, then that’s fine, but just put the pipe down.

Pacman Jones, Atlanta: Yo Perry. I have that stripper pole you wanted. Funny thing, a couple weeks ago I was interviewed on a radio station in Atlanta on 680-AM and I told’em it was mine. They brought up the whole strip club thing and how I can’t stay away, so I told’em I put a stripper’s pole in my house, which keeps me at home. How great is that?

Smart move. That’s probably what Roger Goodell was hoping you would do during your suspension from being arrested six times since you were drafted in the first round in 2005. But hey, can you get that pole up here by the NFL draft? I have big plans.

Former Governor of New York Eliot Spitzer, New York: Perry, you still getting that stripper’s pole for the draft party? I’m not sure if Ashley’s gonna come. I kinda got in some trouble.

Spitz, you don’t have to sign all your emails ‘Former Governor of New York Eliot Spitzer.’ I know who you are. I heard about the troubles, too. All over the news, buddy. Ashley was hot. I was looking forward to meeting her. But yes, just spoke to Pacman and he should be getting the stripper’s pole to me shortly. Don’t you think you should stay home with the wife? It’s up to you though.

Tank Johnson, Dallas: Perry, I got some extra guns if you want them. I really got no place for’em and I need to get rid of them.

I’m good, Tank. No needs.

Chris Henry, Cincinnatti: Do you know of anyone that’s trying to get rid of any guns?

I think Tank is, call him, Chris. Keep me in the loop with the whole Chad Johnson thing. Seems like Hoochie’s upset now, too. Might be your time to step in and make some noise again. Don’t use the whole gun angle, though. It only got you in trouble last time. That and providing alcohol to minors, driving without a valid license, the DUI, and all those substance abuse mishaps. Make your noise on the field. You got some talent. Keep in touch.

Sean Salisbury, California: Can I forward you my resume? I promise I won’t expose myself to any of your employees if you give me a shot at writing for your magazine.

So, if we don’t give you a shot at writing for our magazine there’s a chance you will expose yourself to our employees?

Mark Cuban, Dallas: Did you see last night’s game? We can’t beat any of the top teams and now we lost Dirk Nowitzki for two weeks. I’m second guessing myself about the trade that brought Jason Kidd here, Avery and I aren’t getting along, and Denver is only two games back from taking away our playoff spot. What the heck do I need to do, Perry?

Yeah, I saw that last night. Dirk going down really has you guys in a bind. Your team is still so soft in the middle. I hate to say it, but you guys might be done. Your run is over, Mark. Trade Dirk.

Stephen Jackson, Oakland: I dropped 31 points on the Lakers last night in L.A. We won the game. Big win for us. Only a matter a time till we leap frog the Mavs. I heard Dirk went down, that true? Have you seen my boy Monta Ellis play lately? This kid is 22 years old and can play. But back to me. Did you see me matching three pointers at the end of the game last night with Kobe. He hit one with 56 seconds left to pull within one. Then I hit one with 38 seconds left. Then Kobe hit one with 30 seconds left. Then I hit another with eight seconds left. I was so happy I coulda shot a gun.

Yeah, good shooting. I love watching you guys play. You can beat anyone. And that Monta kid can play. I can’t wait for the NBA playoffs to begin. This is going to be the best post season of basketball in a long time. Right now you guys would play the Hornets. Things change on a day to day basis, but you guys can beat them. And don’t be shooting guns anymore. Get rid of them. My boy Chris will buy’em off you if you want to get rid. You got the Lakers again tonight, Jax, so good luck.

Shaquille O’Neal, Phoenix: I’m back baby and we’re starting to click. Seven in a row and one game back from the number one spot. I love that diesel truck horn they play at the US Airways Arena when I score.

I counted you guys out three weeks ago, nice rebound. The Suns are definitely contenders again. I knew you had one more run in ya.

Dick Vitale, Durham: I needa T.O. baby. Derek Rose is a Diaper Dandy, a PTPer!!! Yeah baby.

Shut the F up!

***Note to the readers: These emails are not actually from these people***

If you would like to get your email posted in the next ‘Perry’s Mailbag,’ shoot your question or comment to mperry_77@hotmail.com.

Ok, not really, but we did make it better.

Photo Caption: The official Off The Record newsroom has many clocks.

Bill, from Philadelphia: Do you really think the Eagles are going to get a wide receiver? Fitz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dave, from Philadelphia: Which wide receiver are the Eagles gonna get?

Greg, from Philadelphia: What are the chances that the Eagles are going to trade for a receiver? Give me Fitzgerald now.

John, from Philadelphia: I want the Eagles to get Fitzgerald or Williams? What are the possibilities and which receiver do the Eagles have a better shot at getting?

Apparently, people in Philadelphia have two things in common. They all want a big name receiver and everyone’s first name contains only four letters. Okay, we all know by now that the Eagles are gunning for a wide receiver. That is fact. There is only one variable. An organization that currently employs one of these receivers has to agree to trade them. From OTR’s source, we know that the Eagles are targeting Fitzgerald first. If Fitzgerald is not going to be available, they will target Roy Williams or Chad Johnson. OTR has yet to confirm the Holt rumor or any other wide receiver rumor. We are working on that. In my opinion, and this is not based on fact, but pure speculation, I feel the Philadelphia Eagles will land Larry Fitzgerald within two weeks (I’m just having fun here, because this is the guy I want). Alright, so sit tight and be patient, but FYI, they still aren’t close down there in Arizona. Let’s move on, because there’s other sports to talk about.

Steve, from Mendham: Are the Larry Fitzgerald rumors true? What position would he play for with the Eagles if they drafted him?

Steve, buddy, c’mon. You’re killing me over here. Steve, your question reminds me of when Joe Theismann said, “The word ‘genius’ isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.” Sometimes you need to just shake your head.

Chad, from South Jersey: Brett Myers instead of Cole Hamels? Are they worried about Brett’s confidence? What doesn’t that do to Hamels confidence? Is Hamels getting the season opener and Myers the home opener or is it the other way around?

Before I address all of your awesome questions, let me say this. Cole Hamels is a douche. All he does is whine. I can see him annoying Philadelphia within two years and getting his ass kicked out of town by angry fans. Do you know who else is annoying? 610 WIP’s Rhea Hughes. What has she ever said that was relevant or informing? But yes Chad, Brett Myers is starting opening day over Cole Hamels. I don’t think they are worried about Brett’s confidence at all. I believe they want Brett to be the leader of this pitching staff. This will be his seventh year as a Phillie and as the veteran of this staff he should be the leader. Chad, you also ask, “What doesn’t that do to Hamels confidence? Interesting way to phrase that question. I do think it does nothing to his confidence, Chad. Furthermore, the season opener is the home opener, so Brett is getting both. Hamels has a hot wife though. And I don’t think she gets beat in the face late at night in downtown Boston.

PHOTO CAPTION: Cole Hamel’s wife, Heidi Strobel (blonde), also competed on Survivor.

Howard in Philly: You guys have great inside info on the Eagles. Being a member of the media myself, I have never gotten tips like you are getting. Do you have any advice that would help me get a leg up?

Stop doing Burger King commercials and focus on your job.

Adam, from Blue Bell: Perry, keep up the good work. Please post more NASCAR and auto racing articles. And don’t forget some more chick articles and some pics as well.

Yes, yes, I know. I got completely pulled off track (no pun intended) with the whole NFL free agency thing. Even one of OTR’s favorite drivers, Tony Stewart, was injured last week at Las Vegas Motor Speedway. And man, I love those chicks, too. Those dumb ones in Hollywood that get all drunk and stupid. Then they get in their fancy cars and drive them into telephone poles. Then they cry and go to rehab. Then they become sober again, which sucks, but then they get drunk again, because they really aren’t good at anything else. Then they pose nude in magazines to cover their legal bills. Then they have kids that get taken away from them. So, they get drunk and drive cars all wasted. How great are they? How great are they, Adam? I need to write more about them. And the pics, well I hope you like the one of Heidi Strobel, but I’ll post another one for you of Adriana Lima.

PHOTO CAPTION: It doesn’t get much better than Adriana Lima.

Micah, from Off The Record: Dude, if you don’t get the mailbag done and on my desk by Friday morning, you are done. FINISHED!! And when your finished cleaning my dishes, don’t forget to wash my car and cook me and my girl dinner.

This is why OTR runs so efficiently. I have to respect my boss, he gets things done.

Ben, from Warrington: Perry, I get the impression from your article on Duke that you are an ACC hater. Did ACC students used to beat you up and steal your milk money?

You should have gotten the impression that I hate Duke. You know what’s funny about Duke lovers? They always think they’re tough beating us up and stealing our milk money, but they don’t realize our beer money is in the other pocket. Jokes on them.

Thanks again for all your responses. I’ll try to post this segment at least every other week, so keep the emails flowing. If you want your question, suggestion, or comment posted, shoot me an email at mperry_77@hotmail.com.

I’m sure our readers have plenty of questions and we want to answer them the best we can tomorrow. Even if you have a comment or merely a suggestion for OTR, send it our way. I have plenty of questions to address already from the previous week, but a lot has happened since then, so fire when ready.

I understand the 600-pound gorilla that is the NFL has completely taken over all sports talk since free agency started, but I want to talk about anything my readers want to discuss. As always, thank you everyone for your support. Send all your questions, comments, or suggestions to mperry_77@hotmail.com. Please put Perry’s Mailbag in the subject line and leave your first name and the town you reside in. OTR would love to know where our fan base is spreading to. And Ben from Warrington, thank you for patiently waiting. I will address your question tomorrow.

PHOTO CAPTION: Don’t tell Johnny The Gorilla, but the NFL is not the only sport to talk about.

Moving along, the Lakers beat the Suns in the best NBA game of the year Wednesday night. If you haven’t seen this Lakers team play recently, watch them. They are that good. Kobe is murdering teams like he is OJ Simpson. I want to pick the Lakers to win the West so bad, but I can’t because San Antonio and Tim Duncan are too good come playoff time. And the Spurs got that much better this week by adding Kurt Thomas to their roster. It’s like adding a third boob, just more fun to play with. The New Orleans Hornets, the team with the best record in the West, added Bonzi Wells and Mike James. Great pickups. I don’t care what the Cavs did, it’s insignificant and irrelevant. Seriously, it’s both. Ben Wallace sucks. Wally World sucks. Either Detroit or Boston will represent the East. I’ll take Detroit in a seven-game series. I’ll get into more detail come March. But before then, let’s reach into the mail box.

Bill, from Philly: “You said last week that the Dolphins would take QB Matt Ryan with the first pick. I completely disagree with you. He won’t even be a top ten pick.”
That must have been one of the questions I forwarded Micah Warren to answer. I would have said “if you don’t take defensive tackle Glenn Dorsey from LSU, you’re an idiot.” I would have said that a week ago, before the combine.

Mike Bohn, from Doylestown: “I love your work on the freecreditreport.com commercials. Is that really your car, or did you borrow it from Micah?”
Thank you very much. I’m thiiiiiiiiinking of a number between 450 and 850. Do you know what it is? The chances to one that I would ever borrow Micah’s car.

Pete, from Bosnia: “Have you ever thrown someone under the bus two times in one day?”
No, never.

Steve, from Mendham: “You posted three of my emails last week. Thanks. I’m going to try to watch my typos from now on.”
From now on? You’re going to continue emailing me? You don’t have any relevant sports questions or comments. This isn’t a dating chat line, Steve. This blog is supposed to be sports related. For example, if you were to ask me who I thought was going to win the National League East this year. I would respond, THE METS!!!!!!!!!!!

Lindsey, from North Jersey: “1.) Where did the word “golf” come from? 2.) Where did the term “balk” originate? 3.) If you bowl three strikes in a row, why is it called a turkey? 4.) What is the national sport of Afghanistan? 5.) What are the most multiple professional sports titles in one city, in one year?”
Wow. It’s a good thing I just read this book. 1) It’s an urban legend, but many believe ‘golf’ is an acronym for “guys only, ladies forbidden.” 2) The term ‘balk’ originated from the Eaton family many decades ago. Five generations later, Phillies pitcher Adam Eaton continues their legacy. Did you know Steve Carlton is the all-time leader in balks, with 90? I did. 3) Back in the day, when someone got three consecutive strikes, the person who owned the alley or game would give the bowler a live turkey. No joke here, that’s just weird. What if they gave them a live Baldwin brother? 4) The most popular sport in Afghanistan is ‘buzkashi.’ No, this does not involve a girls face, Steven from Mendham. This is a game played on horseback where you have to maneuver a dead carcass, against an opposing team, into a scoring area. I’m dead serious, and no, the dead carcass is not Donatella Versace. 5) Lindsey may have stumped me on this one, but I’ll go with 2. Pittsburgh in 1979. I don’t count the WNBA as a sport; therefore, nullifying Los Angeles. Here’s a funny joke. What’s worse than women’s sports? Answer: women’s JV sports!

Steven, from Mendham: “Oh, that’s bukaki?”
Yes, Steven. How bout some sports over there?

Johnny Blue, from Philly: “I was wondering what your thoughts about all the Eagles rumors floating around are?”
I’m pretty sure the Philadelphia Eagles are going to be very active come free agency. Not necessarily picking up free agents, but I do see them making trades to fill their roster with a couple playmakers. There are a few teams out there that either need to sign their players or trade them. And they will need to trade these players very soon, so they can have a plan for their own free agency moves. I know for a fact that Micah Warren has a good source with inside knowledge. The reason this source is not revealing information to the John Claytons and Chris Mortensens is because that person would like to keep their job. So sit back and enjoy the what the Eagles are about to do.

Becky, from Delaware: “I love your sexual entendres. Makes me giggle. And I like to giggle.”
They’re meant for you and it’s not because I’m just trying to find space to fill.

Steven, from Mendham: “I’m a Boston fan.”
Well, that explains everything, you douche.

Thanks again for all your responses. I’ll try to post this every segment every Friday, so keep the emails flowing. Becky, keep the backdoor unlocked. Everyone else, shoot me a line at mperry_77@hotmail.com.

mperry_77@hotmail.com

Check the archives! There is a ton of good stuff in there and it’s easy to find what you are looking for. We like to constantly update the site to keep you the reader informed. Perry doesn’t drive from Pennsylvania to our Manhattan offices to hand-deliver stories for his health. It’s actually taken a bit of a toll on his health, but we think the blood will go away when the coughing stops.

Anyway, I digress. So that’s my answer: Check the archives!

Steven, from Mendham: “your a douche.”

Thanks Steven. Are you mad I called Roger a douche? “Your” grammar is about as good as purgery?

Tom, from Jersey: “I really liked your two articles on the NASCAR Talladega Nights story. It’s funny how I hate NASCAR but I love the movie. Ever think about writing an article about Blades of Glory?

And relate it to the current United States ice skating situations? I should have taped the Super Bowl and watched ESPN2 to catch up on that. I appreciate you liking my Shake and Bake articles, but I only could watch figure skating if they were performing their little spins as they tried to avoid Zdeno Chara coming at them at full speed.

Steven, from Mendham: “I was kidding, keep up the god work.”

Don’t worry, I’ll make sure St. Peter lets you thru the Gates of Heaven.

Frank, from Jersey: “What are you pointing at in your pictures?”

Good question. The girl I used to date had a mouth on her. She ran it all day long. Eventually, I had to take the upper hand. If I remember correctly, in that picture she told me to take my sun glasses off because I was inside. She said I looked stupid. So, I put my foot up on the chair, pointed at her (picture taken), then took them off and baked her cookies.

Bill, from Philly: “Who’s do you think the #1 pick in the NFL draft will be this year?”

Oooooohhhh….a sports question. Thanks Bill. I see Parcells drafting a QB. Parcells loved Romo and I think he sees a lot of Romo in Boston College, QB, Matt Ryan. The Dolphins have to take him and start building around a franchise QB. It’s not a QB heavy draft, but Matt Ryan seems to have the tools to excel in the NFL. You know what though….Jake Long (Michigan), OL, might be the best player in this draft. I’m just saying.

Steven, from Mendham: “I think Micah knows more stuff than you. He seems to write about things that matter and you write about celebrity girls. He carries you.”

Seriously, I received over 13 emails from this guy (in 2 days?). Micah probably does know more stuff than me, but I struck him out in whiffle ball last year.

Becky, from Delaware: “I think you’re funny. Keep it up.”

Don’t worry, Becky…..I’ll have no problem keeping it up.

Thanks again for all your responses. I’ll try to post this segment every Friday, so keep the emails flowing. Steven, settle down over there in Mendham. Everyone else, shoot me a line at mperry_77@hotmail.com.

mperry_77@hotmail.com